Challenged Hope

Grandmother raising Grandchildren with FASD in Hamilton Ontario Canada

Don’t Stress the Caregiver!

Leave a comment

We Are Only Human!

Don't Stress The Caregiver!

Don’t Stress The Caregiver!

We caregivers of children with FASD often find their personal behaviors overwhelming. But the strategies offered us by the professionals can equally cause stress. “Be prepared,” we are told. “Know when a meltdown is imminent. Stay on top of the situation. Know what sets your child off and use preventative measures.”

That’s all well and good, but what if your child with FASD has an outburst on arriving home from school and you have no idea what has set him/her off. Or, how about children who melt down three or four times a day. Staying one step ahead of that child is nigh on impossible, not to mention stressful. Who can live that way?

Don’t Stress The Caregiver!

Certainly not a caregiver who has other children in the home, plus works outside the home, plus has to prepare supper on arriving home, plus has to see to the household chores and grocery shopping, plus has to drive the kids here, there, and everywhere. The last thing caregivers want added to their to-do list is to be on high-alert for a possible meltdown. We are, after all, only human!

Besides, most meltdowns do not stem from a trigger of the moment, but rather an incident that happened early that morning; one we overlooked, one we were too busy to notice, one that happened out of sight, the ones we couldn’t keep one step ahead of because we were unaware of the problem.

Don’t Stress The Caregiver!

Being expected to stay ahead of the meltdown is similar to telling an individual to stay one step ahead of an abusive spouse–always know when he is going to lash out, don’t react to his screaming, stay calm when he yells obscenities, don’t take his threats personally. It is impossible not to react, and I know that to be true because I was involved in an abusive relationship for five years and describe that time in my memoir: Psychopathetic, available now at and Also available is my memoir: Two Decades Of Diapers, describing my twenty years raising four grandchildren with FAS. My new memoir, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years, will be available early 2016.

Don’t Stress The Caregiver!

So before blaming the caregiver for not having the ability to offset their child’s meltdowns, consider the intensity, stress, and fear associated with the outburst, not only on the child’s side, but for the caregiver too. It is true that it takes a village to raise a child but, when a child with FASD meltdowns in public, the village citizens often band together and blame the caregiver!

My websites:

 All My Books Are Available From:

Other fine ebook distributors

My Books:

Author: whereasi

For over twenty years, I have parented four grandchildren with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: a disorder caused by prenatal exposure to alcohol. Please read of our family struggles and challenges at My two ebook memoirs available on Amazon titled: Two Decades Of Diapers, and, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years, describe the struggles my grandchildren and I experienced during their youth and teenage years. I have also written fiction, including a six-book English seaside series, titled, Under the Shanklin sky. I am now embarking on a new adventure creating children's picture books, designed specifically with kids with FAS in mind. The two main characters of the book are Strawberry & Cracker, twins with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The first titled The School Day focuses on the special supports the twins need at school for a successful outcome. The book is due out in the fall of 2017, to be followed by more in the series, all focused on the daily challenges faced by children with FAS. For more info, see my author blog at

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.