Challenged Hope

Grandmother raising Grandchildren with FASD in Hamilton Ontario Canada


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A Mother’s Tears

The Window

The Window

The Window

I can’t believe I cried on the bus. It would not have happened if I had driven to my dental appointment, but, with traffic heavy and parking nonexistent in the downtown core, I use public transportation on dental day. 

After an intense tooth cleaning, and consultation, I caught the bus home. Five minutes into the drive, the bus stopped in dense traffic, and there it was … the window.

At the sight, my lips trembled. Sudden tears flowed down my cheeks. I could not hold back. Amid my horrendous embarrassment, I stared at the beast. It glared back, cold and indifferent. I imagined my daughter, standing there, smiling, as she had twenty years before.

The previous day she had given birth to her first child. At fifteen she had no idea of what the future held, yet she managed a smile as she spotted me approaching the hospital to visit her and my new grandson. Today, I cried on the bus at the memory of her at the hospital window, and recalled the trauma of the past two decades. 

To read of the details of what happened during those twenty years, read my two memoirs Two Decades of Diapers, and, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years. If you are a caregiver to a child with FASD, you and your child would enjoy my children’s picture book titled, Strawberry & Cracker, Twins with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Along with my fiction, my memoirs, and children’s book are available from your Amazon or the following link.

http://www.amazon.com/author/barbarastudham

 

 

 

 

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Danger of Pregnancy & Alcohol

Couples, please avoid alcohol during conception and pregnancy!

Wake up! to FAS

Wake up to issues associated with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

Katie is a medical student enrolled in an Anatomy and Physiology class studying for her bachelor’s degree. She recently contacted me with information on avoiding alcohol during pregnancy. Katie explained that one of her goals is to share resources about having safe and healthy pregnancies before childbirth. She wanted to share her resource because it explores the dangers of consuming alcohol while pregnant that cause fetal alcohol syndrome.  I am happy to post Katie’s link on my FASD blog. To read her post in full, click the following link.

http://www.dwiminneapolislawyer.com/resources/drinking-alcohol-and-pregnancy/

If you would like to contact Katie for more information, please use the contact page on my blog, and I will forward your request on to Katie. Thank you, Katie, for reinforcing the dangers of drinking during conception and pregnancy.

 


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Parents Beware!

I never thought it would happen to me!

Despite the few months I babysat a six-month old child being raised by his grandparents, as a young mother, the thought of one day having to raise my own grandchildren, never entered my mind,  In Canada, a growing number of grandparents are now parenting and raising their grandchildren. So much so, that it is time government officials raised their heads out of the sand regarding the ability of grandparents to do so. Not all grandparents have the energy to raise their grandchildren and, if the child has a mental or physical infirmity, it can be nigh on impossible. Though it appears in the best interest of the child to be placed with family, growing up with grandparents is not necessarily the optimum option.

Let grandparents be grandparents!

Too often, children’s agencies take advantage of grandparents when at their most emotionally vulnerable—i.e. when they learn their grandchild is in need of a home. There is a growing need for available foster homes where the child can be nurtured by young caregivers who have energy and use contemporary parenting strategies. Despite the propaganda, not every child placed in foster care is subject to abuse. My personal experience with foster parents has been very positive. There are many compassionate foster parents in Canada willing to give children the care they need and deserve.

Parents Beware!

Two Decades Of Diapers

Two Decades Of Diapers

FAS: The Teen Years

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years

So, parents of today, for various reasons, you might one day be faced with the decision to raise a grandchild. Life has a way of presenting us with disquieting choices that can change our lives forever. And if you believe it could never happen to you, read my two memoirs, Two Decades Of Diapers, and, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years, which describe my twenty years raising four grandchildren with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Both are available in ebook format from your Amazon store, the following links, and many other ebook distributors.

 

 


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The Dreaded Wait List

Oh, the frustration!

When governments announce a new service to aid children with developmental disabilities, invariably the news quickly trickles down to caregivers overjoyed that “at last” someone has heard their pleas for support and acted accordingly.

The Dreaded Wait List

Trouble is, caregivers are often oblivious to the fact that the new service is bound to be underfunded, and therefore understaffed, causing long wait lists. Add to that, the fact that the child’s disability has to fit a long list of requirements to be eligible for the service, and that services cannot be “doubled-up” which means, should the child be receiving support from one agency, he cannot receive similar help from another. In addition, should an urgent case for the new resource surface, names on the non-urgent list are pushed down a space, making wait times even longer.

Oh, the frustration!

During my twenty years raising grandchildren with FAS, I learned not to hold my breath while waiting for services, especially where the Children’s Aid Society was concerned. Despite their frequent promises of support should I ever need it—which I often did—I was invariably brushed aside due to lack of funding, or told my requirements were outside of their service. Now, as my grandchildren approach adulthood, the DSO (Developmental Services Ontario) referrals for adult services come with guaranteed wait lists. Here we go, again!

FASD Pumpkin

The FASD Pumpkin: Remember some Trick or Treaters have mental challenges.

Be Patient!

Exercising patience while waiting for services is difficult, however, we can demonstrate patience toward all trick-or-treaters this Halloween by remembering there are children in our neighborhoods with developmental, physical, and mental disabilities, and act appropriately when they approach our doors. Despite my protests that my grandchildren are too old to knock on doors for candy, given their mental immaturity, they never outgrow Halloween, so I insist they at least dress the part, thereby giving householders a reason to hand over that much coveted chocolate bar. So, please, if you are approached by teens who you believe are well over the age of trick-or-treating, remember there could be an underlying health reason for their wanting to join in the neighborhood fun.

My author link: http://www.barbarastudham.com


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Pregnancy kits and FASD

Getting the FASD word out!

FASD 2016

FASD 2016. Speak Up, and make this year the last year for FASD.

One problem with FASD is, people are unaware it can be prevented, so here is a thought: One way to let mothers know how to keep their baby FASD free, is to print the words – AVOID ALCOHOL WHEN PREGNANT—not only on the packaging of pregnancy test kits, but on the testing unit itself. Though no method is foolproof, especially when the mother has drunk alcohol before realizing she is pregnant, this one could help. Having that advice printed clearly and in bold letters on the testing unit, could convince a woman who has just discovered she is pregnant, to abstain from alcohol during her pregnancy. What do you think?

A front line perspective on FASD

If you would like a front line perspective on FASD, read my two ebook memoirs, Two Decades of Diapers, and, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years, both of which address my twenty years raising four grandchildren with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. and available from your Amazon, these links, and many other ebook distributors. Both are only .99 cents (usd).

http://www.amazon.com/author/barbarastudham

https://www.store.kobobooks.com

http://www.barnesandnoble.com

 


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FASD & Homelessness

Homelessness is a serious consequence of FASD!

Wake up! to FAS

Wake up to issues associated with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

FASD & Homelessness. Children with FASD are often described as ten-second kids in a one-second world, meaning they are always behind in the race of life. While true, through my experience raising grandchildren with FASD, I would suggest a change to that teaching: lifetime kids in a one-second world.

Continual repetition of a directive is vital for children with FASD. While the child lives at home, such repetition is available from a supportive caregiver, but once the child becomes an adult and leaves home, the support often stops, and the individual is left to their own devices. One consequence of this is homelessness.

Homelessness is a serious issue for adults with FASD. The stress of homelessness can lead to depression, suicidal thoughts, isolation, loneliness, substance abuse, and criminal activity. One might believe homeless people are lazy and should pick themselves up, get support, and make some kind of effort to get off the streets, but guess what, a person with FASD is not always aware of available supports. No one is born knowing the availability of social services. Unless someone makes the effort to inform a disable person of the supports available, chances are they will believe they are entirely on their own when it comes to making change: an impossible task for someone with FASD.

FASD & Homelessness.

To learn more about the struggles and challenges associated with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, read my second memoir, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years, the sequel to my first memoir, titled, Two Decade of Diapers.

FAS: The Teen Years

Now Available: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, The Teen Years. Barbara Studham’s memoir sequel to Two Decades Of Diapers

The following is an excerpt from that memoir…

It is two in the morning. I am lying on my bed. My mind races while my eyes droop sleepily but not until I hear the front door open and my fifteen-year old grandson, Cracker, walk inside, will I allow myself sleep. Yes, he will be high, that’s a given, and he more than likely shoplifted to pay for his weed… but, is he safe? Please, please, let him be safe.  

Normal teen activities elude Cracker. Arrested numerous times for criminal activity including shoplifting, stealing bikes, vandalism, threatening with a knife, and resisting arrest, he is released back into my custody each time because his Fetal Alcohol Syndrome deems him less of a delinquent and more of a victim.

“Next time, Buddy,” the police officer says, giving him a stern look. “Next time, you won’t be so lucky. Next time you will be charged. Next time you will have to pay… next time… next time… next time.”

Despite the warnings, during the four years he has broken the law, next time has never come. Will it come today? At times like this, when fearful over Cracker’s whereabouts and craving reassurance, my thoughts slip back fifteen years to when I first saw him… excerpt from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years. Chapter 3. Copyright 2016 Barbara Studham.

Barbara Studham's ebooks

Barbara Studham’s ebooks

FASD & Homelessness.

All my books, memoir and fiction, including Two Decades of Diapers, and, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: The Teen Years, are available from your Amazon Store, the following links, and many ebook distributors.

http://www.amazon.com/author/barbarastudham

https://www.store.kobobooks.com

http://www.barnesandnoble.com

For more information visit my author blog at 

http://www.barbarastudham.com

 


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Great Expectations

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is preventable, not curable.

FASD 2016

FASD 2016. Speak Up, and make this year the last year for FASD.

 

After twenty years of raising four grandchildren with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, my care-giving duties are winding down and will eventually end. For my grandchildren, however, FAS will never end. For their entire lives, they will wake up each day facing mental illness. My heart cries for them, especially when FAS is preventable.

Great Expectations

Societies’ expectations for individuals with FAS to overcome the challenges associated with mental illness and achieve success are considerable. However, despite my intense care-giving, their special education, and services they receive for people with mental disabilities, every day, my grandchildren struggle to fulfill the basics of daily living, let alone have the ability to reach some idealized expectation placed upon them by the world. Why waste time setting far-fetched goals for people with FAS? Instead, learn about the disability, their individual needs, complex behaviors, social skills, and learning disabilities, and, despite the limitations of mental illness, strive to make them feel worthwhile within their communities.

My Memoirs

For a limited time, my two memoirs describing the twenty years I raised my grandchildren with FAS, are FREE to download to an e-reader from my website:

http://www.twodecadesofdiapers.com.

They are also available to purchase from Amazon, Kobo, Barnes and Noble, and other ebook distributors.